As I type this a woman I share solidarity in being a mother with, is saying goodbye to her three month old baby. This is not usually a topic I would tackle in my blog, but I have been at a bit of a loss this week as to how to approach the situation. I am not close to this friend who I will call M but we shared a time in our life. We met at a baby group when we were both new mothers to our firstborns. We spent time once a week watching our babies play and grow and change from week to week. We celebrated those babies’ first Halloween and a few of their first birthdays together. Several years later our lives have diverged and I only learned of her babies passing from an obituary in the paper.
When I saw an obituary in the paper for her son who was born just 3 months ago my heart caught somewhere up in my throat. I thought: “No! It cannot be. It’s not fair.” But life isn’t fair.
I want to send something to let the family know I am thinking about them but am at a loss for the right words. A card, food, a basket of activities for the kids; what is appropriate at a time like this? I even looked at some of those pretty edible arrangement bouquets. This friend also has three other children at home and it was them I was considering with the fun and fruity bouquet. I honestly have no idea if such a thing is inappropriate or welcome in this situation. I plan to send a card this week, and as with any other instance where I don’t know what to do, I looked to the internet for answers. I did find some helpful ideas on what to say. The article also suggested if you offered to help, to make a specific offer as in “can I bring you a meal tonight” instead of “call me if you need something” as people will be less likely to take you up on the latter. Good advice and a good start I think. If anyone out there actually reads these blog posts of mine and has any advice or experience to offer on this one, I would love to hear about it.
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